So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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