This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
