God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
