took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
