I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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