Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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