Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
