we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
