Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
