Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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