I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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