The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
