How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
