Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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