I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
