That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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