if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pappa wants mamma naked
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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