It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
