you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
