So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
