what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
