No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
