I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
