I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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