I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
