based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
