You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I believe in your delicious
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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