I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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