I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
