Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
