I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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