he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
