i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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