all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
