This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
