HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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