i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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