he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
