Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
