I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
