ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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