My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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