y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
