I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
