You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
