Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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