Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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