I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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