I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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