Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize