Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
