She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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