Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The beer is more important than you right now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
