that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
