once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
