I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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