Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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