I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hippo gnu deer
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
