You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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