I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
