I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
