so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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