look no pants
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
