I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
