I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
your room smells of hookers.
And success
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
